How He Felt
by LoveTwiGirl
Summary: Bella suddenly wonders how Edward felt, when he left her. She wants to know and asks the one person who knows. She finds out something she'd never have expected. What happens when Edward comes back from hunting? ExB married, human Bella. Warning: Lemon.


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I sat reading a book in Edward's room- well I guess, it was our room now. I was sitting on his leather couch. Edward was out hunting, Emmett and Rosalie were on a vacation for themselves. Carlisle was at the hospital, and Esme was visiting him. Jasper and Alice were in the living room, watching TV, the last time I saw them. I put the book down, and went down to join them. I didn't like sitting all alone, in the room. I walked down the stairs, and heard the sound of the television. I saw Alice and Jasper cuddled up together, Alice flipping through the channels.

''Hey, Bella.'' Alice smiled at me.

''Hi.'' I said, sitting down on the loveseat. ''Mind if I join you two?'' I asked. Alice grinned widely, and Jasper smiled at me.

''Of course not. There's just nothing to see.'' Alice said.

''Over a thousand channels, and not one of them has anything interesting on it.'' Jasper sighed.

''Ooh, here's something.'' Alice said.

I turned my attention from Alice and Jasper, to the TV. All three of us stayed quiet, as we watched the movie. It was apparently a romance. I frowned and tensed a bit up, as I watched. The guy was leaving the girl, but she refused to let him go. He told her, that he had never loved her, and that he was in love with someone else. It reminded me of when Edward left me. I think Jasper knew, because I felt calming wipes come over me. I smiled at Jasper, and he smiled back. We continued to watch the movie. Close to the end, the guy found the girl, and told her that he did love her, but that he was threatened to tell her otherwise, and it was for her own safety. He told about how horrible he felt, and how he cried every night missing her. The movie ended, and Alice started flipping through the channels again.

But something stuck with me. In this movie, you saw how much both the girl and boy suffered, without the other. I knew how I had felt, Jasper knew how I had felt. Alice, Edward, they all knew how I felt. But how had Edward felt? I knew he told me, that he had tried distracting himself. But did he miss me, as much as I had missed him? Did he ever think about me, or was he good at distracting himself? I knew vampires didn't cry tears, but they could still feel sadness. Alice had probably seen Edward, in visions. But Edward hadn't been around them much, so no one really got to know how he had felt. But there was someone who knew.

''Jasper?'' I turned my head to him, and I saw Alice turn the TV off. Her lips were pushed and she had probably seen, what I was about to ask. She smiled, telling me to go for it, with her eyes.

''Yes, Bella?'' Jasper asked, frowning.

''How did Edward feel…after he left me. I mean, you could sense his emotions, when he was around all of you, right?'' I asked.

''Yes.'' Jasper's expression turned sad. ''He felt very depressed.'' He told.

''Could you…show me? How he felt, I mean?'' I asked.

''I don't think that's a good idea, Bella. Edward wouldn't approve of it.'' Jasper frowned.

''Well, Edward isn't here. So just do it, Jazz.'' Alice said, patting Jasper on the chest. He shook his head, still frowning.

''Bella, really, I don't think you want to know.'' He said.

''I do.'' I said. ''Please?''

He kept shaking his head, making me frown. Alice sighed and looked annoyed, yet, also understanding. She rubbed Jasper's back, until he stopped shaking his head, and looked at me. He pushed his lips, the frown practically refusing to leave him. He then looked at Alice, where after he turned to me again, with pleading eyes. I wondered, if it wasn't that he refused letting me feel, as much as he didn't want to feel it _himself_. I nodded at him and sighed.

''Okay. If you don't want to feel it yourself, it's okay.'' I said.

''No, it's not me, Bella. It's just…not something I would want you to feel. Edward felt…pretty bad.'' Jasper said.

''I can take it, Jazz. Please?'' I tried again.

''If Edward finds out, he'll rip me to pieces.'' Jasper sighed.

''Don't worry about Edward.'' Alice said.

''Alright. Fine. But remember, I warned you.'' He sighed.

''I'll remember.'' I said.

I moved to sit beside Jasper and clasped my hands together, in my lap. Alice moved to the loveseat and Jasper took a deep breath, and shook his head, probably trying to clear it out. He looked at Alice, who nodded at him to continue, and Jasper nodded as well. I sat ready, not really sure how to prepare myself, or what to prepare myself for. Jasper looked at me then, looking to see if I was ready. I nodded at him, and took in a deep breath. Jasper mimicked my move, and just as he let out the breath, a load of emotions hit me, making me gasp.

One by one, I identified the emotions. I felt overly depressed, feeling like my life had no meaning. I felt guilty. I felt like a horrible person, and that everything that was wrong was my fault. I felt irritation and annoys. Not with anybody else, then myself. There was a great pain in my chest, not a physical pain, but an emotional. I gasped for air, and tears started streaming down my face. The pain was so much worse, then anything I had ever felt. Worse then what I had felt, when Edward left me. I felt alone. All alone. And unloved, so unloved. I felt like no one cared for me, that I had ruined everything. The tears were running down my eyes so fast, and I was practically choking on my breath. I felt Jasper stop, but the emotions didn't disappear. I could feel him trying to calm me, but it didn't work.

''No. Just let the emotions come.'' I said.

Hate. That was the strongest of all the feelings. The pain was second, and the unloved feeling connected with the two of them. I hated myself, like I had never hated anyone before. I wanted to punch something. I wanted to punch myself. The unloved feeling grew stronger. No one on the Earth loved me. I didn't even like myself. I loathed myself. I ruined everything. Or, that's how it felt. There was a hole in my chest. My heart was aching, my eyes were fogged, my cheeks were wet and my throat was sore. I felt weak, like I could collapse at anytime, but didn't. I felt like a terrible person. I felt like I didn't deserve to live. I should just go kill myself. A suppressed longing spread through me. I needed the one I loved. No one loved me. I was alone. Alone and unloved. Alone, unloved, depressed, pained, irritated, angered and sorrow. Those were the things I felt the most.

''Bella!'' I heard someone shout. The tears were still streaming down my eyes, like the water in a waterfall. ''Bella, love, what happened!?'' I recognized the voice, immediately. ''Alice, Jasper, what's wrong with her?'' Edward's worried and concerned voice asked, frantically.

''Relax, Edward. Don't worry.'' Alice's voice said. Wave after wave of calm came over me, but the feelings took their time with disappearing.

''Don't worry!? I come home and see my wife gasping for air, clutching her waist, with tears streaming down her eyes, and you tell me not to worry?'' Edward growled.

I felt a hand stroking my cheek, and another rubbing my back. As the world got clearer, I realized that the strong emotions had made me forget everything about me. I also realized, that Edward holding me to his chest, and it was his hands that were stroking me soothingly. I still couldn't see very clearly, but I could see Edward looking at me. I lifted my hand to his cheek, and he leaned into my touch. Jasper was still sending me calm waves. I wiped my eyes, and clearly saw Edward looking at me, with concern. I bit my lower lip, shocked by what I had just felt.

_He felt unloved and he blamed himself. He felt even worse then I did. But he never once told me, how bad it really was. He was more worried about me, and he still blames himself for leaving, because it hurt __me__. Not him._

''Oh, Edward.'' I sobbed, closing my eyes and wrapping my arms around his neck. Edward moved his arms, wrapping them around me and holding me close, but gently.

''What happened?'' He asked, stroking my hair.

''Jasper. What about we go hunt for a while?'' Alice suggested, though, it sounded more of an order.

''But I'm not thirsty.'' Jasper said.

''Yes you _are_.'' Alice said, in a commanding voice. I looked up from Edward's shoulder, and saw that we were alone.

''Bella, are you going to tell me what happened?'' Edward asked.

I let go of his neck, and put my hands on his cold cheeks. He looked so worried and I smiled at him. He smiled back, his dazzling crooked grin. Before he could ask again, I put my lips on his. I fisted one hand in his hair and put the other on his neck, pulling him closer to me. He kept stroking my hair, soothingly. He kissed me back, gently and softly. His cold lips melded so perfectly with mine, and a small sigh left me. I pulled away slowly. My eyes had closed and they slowly opened, to look at Edward. He was smiling crookedly at me, but his eyes were still worried.

''Are you going to tell me what happened to you?'' He whispered, softly.

''I love you.'' I said. ''You know that, right?''

It felt strange to ask. Normally it was I, whom doubted Edward's love for me. I suddenly felt guilty,- my own guilt- for not having thought more, about how Edward felt after he left. I never once would have guessed, that he felt even worse then I had. Then again, I never really asked how he felt. I asked what he had been doing, but never how he had been feeling. Edward was frowning at me, confused by my question. He pecked my cheek, as he tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear.

''Of course, Bella. And you know I love you too, right?'' He smiled.

''I do.'' I said and wrapped my arms around him, tightly. ''I love you, Edward. I love you so much.'' I whispered.

''I know, love.'' Edward said, pulling my head back so he could look me in the eyes. He looked so concerned. He kissed my forehead and let his lips linger, on the skin. ''Tell me what happened.'' He urged. I shook my head.

''Later. Come.'' I said, standing up and holding my hand out for him. He seemed confused, but took my hand. I stood on my tiptoes and pecked his lips, then smiled at him, softly. ''Lets go to our room.'' I whispered. He raised an eyebrow at me, and I just winked.

''Bella-'' He started, but I cut him off.

''We're alone.'' I said, and started pulling his hand.

I started walking towards the stairs, and Edward followed, smiling softly at me. I blushed, as he chuckled and started dragging me up the stairs, instead of me pulling him. I grinned widely at him, and we started to run up the stairs. I knew what I was going to do. I was going to _show_ him, exactly how much I loved him. We came to our room, and Edward opened the door. I closed it, and pulled Edward towards the bed. I wrapped my arms around him, and crashed my lips to his, kissing him with all the love and passion I had. Edward moved his lips against mine, gently. I let my hands run up and down, his cloth covered chest.

''I love you.'' I murmured against his lips.

''As I love you.'' He murmured back. He pulled back from the kiss, and started rubbing his nose up and down my throat. I let out a sigh, and leaned my head back. It felt so good when he did that.

''Edward.'' I breathed.

''Yes?'' Edward's cool breath on my neck made goose bumps appear on my skin.

''Sit on the bed, please.'' I said.

He pulled away, and looked at me with a raised eyebrow, but complied. He sat on the bed in our room, and held his hand out for me. I ignored his hand, and sat in his lap. I straddled him and put my hands on his shoulders. I blushed, as Edward grinned at me. I started unbuttoning Edward's shirt, suddenly feeling a bit nervous. Edward leaned his face down to my throat, starting to lay kisses on my heated skin. I pushed on his shoulder, and he moved back to look at me, confused again. I shook my head, and finished unbuttoning his shirt.

''Just let me do this, okay?'' I asked, as I pushed the shirt down his arms. He nodded, and let me pull the shirt completely off of him.

I threw the shirt to the floor, and then turned to stare at his bare chest. His chest was beautiful, pale and flawless, just like the rest of him. I started massaging his skin, feeling the muscles ripple under my touch. I kissed his right shoulder, then moved my lips to his neck. I moved my lips from one side of his neck, to the other. I stopped massaging his chest, and moved my hands to his back, rubbing it. I heard Edward groan and pulled back. I saw that his eyes were closed, and his lips were parted. I kissed him again, and he kissed me back with such passion. I moaned against his lips. As his hands started pulling my sweater up, I lifted my arms, and let Edward take it off of me. He threw it on the floor, and I claimed his lips on mine again. I pushed on his chest, and he got the message to lay back.

I unbuttoned Edward's jeans and pulled the zipper down. I crawled off his lap, and started pulling the jeans off his legs. I looked at his red boxes, seeing that he was already hard. Edward stared at me, as I crawled over his body, so I was hovering over him. I bite my lip, and tucked a hair strand behind my ear. I felt a hand on my hip, and looked down, to see Edward playing with the edge of my jeans. I looked at him, and saw him smiling at me, and I grinned back. I felt him pull on the fabric, and heard his husky voice.

''May I?'' He whispered, moving to the button of my jeans.

I nodded at him, and moved to sit in his lap. He lifted himself up with one hand, and popped open the button with his other. He then pulled the zipper down and started tucking on my jeans. He rolled us over, so he could pull them off of me. He started sucking on my neck, moving his lips down to my collar. I moaned, as he started massaging my thighs. He pulled back and looked me over. He groaned, as he looked at my red bra and matching boyshorts. I blushed, fiercely, seeing the lust in his eyes. I stroked his cheek, with my right hand. Edward moved his head, so his lips were on my palm. He laid a kiss on it, before turning to look at me again.

''We match.'' Edward said, with a slight chuckle. I grinned and blushed. ''You're so beautiful, Bella.'' He whispered, with a small groan.

''And you're so handsome.'' I replied. He smiled and shook his head. I pushed on his chest, and he let me roll us over. ''You are Edward. All of you. I love you, always remember that.'' I said.

''I love you more than anything else in the world, love. You're my life, and I cannot live without you. It would be too painful.'' He said, as he stared into my eyes. I got teary-eyed, knowing exactly how painful it would be.

''I know.'' I sobbed.

''Are you alright, Bella?'' Edward asked, frowning.

''I'm fine.'' I said. He didn't seem convinced. ''I swear, I'm fine. Really.'' I said, smiling down at him.

''You can tell me if something's wrong, love.'' He said.

''Nothing's wrong. Everything is perfect. Just like you.'' I said.

''Well, now I know something is wrong.'' Edward chuckled.

''Oh, just be quiet and enjoy this.'' I said, then blushed, realizing how my words could be understood. Edward grinned at me.

''Oh, I think I will.'' He said, unclasping my bra.

I bit my lower lip, as he pulled the straps down my arms. I was tempted to cover myself, but I couldn't let nerves control me right now. I wanted to show Edward my love, and I couldn't be nervous and insecure. Edward loved me, or else he wouldn't have felt so pained, after he left. Jasper wouldn't show me fake feelings to make me feel better. I knew, that was how Edward had felt, even I would have never thought the pain to be so strong. Maybe it was because I thought he didn't love me, and therefore he left, but he knew I loved him. He knew I loved him, but that he had let me go. Maybe, it was because it's easy to move on, when someone doesn't love you back, rather then when they do.

''So beautiful.'' Edward growled quietly, as he rolled us over.

He wrapped his mouth around my breast, and I moaned, as he suckled on the skin. One of his hands kneaded the other, his cold skin making my nipples harden, and goose bumps arise on my skin. He rolled his thump over my right nipple, as he kept sucking on my left breast. He started massaging and kneading the flesh. I fisted a hand in his hair and moaned. He moved his mouth to my right breast, and moved his hand to the left, mimicking his former actions. He then started laying kisses over my chest. I pushed him up from me, and moved to the headboard of the bed, leaning up on it.

Edward came to hover over me, his knees on each side of me. He kissed me, letting the tip of his tongue move over my lips. I parted my mouth, and Edward moved his tongue inside of it. I wished I could taste him, but knew he wouldn't want to take the chance, of me possibly cutting my tongue on his teeth. I moaned, as he tasted me. His tongue ran over my teeth, whereafter it tickled the roof of my mouth. I let my tongue touched his, and Edward moaned into my mouth, making me smile. I moved us again, or rather Edward let me move us. I straddled his waist again, as he leaned up the headboard.

''I love you.'' I said, for who knows what time, as I pulled away from his lips. I looked intensely into Edward's eyes, that had darkened.

I started kissing his chest, sucking at some parts of his skin. I bit his right nipple, and heard him hiss. His hands cupped my bottom, pulling me as close to him, as possible. I started rubbing my core against Edward. I could feel how hard he was, and knew he was enjoying this as much as I was. I moaned, along with him. He started moving underneath me, creating more friction. I started kissing and sucking on his neck, as I continued to rub against him. Edward moaned and moved to suck on my neck. I pressed my chest against his, letting out a small hiss, from the coldness. It felt amazing, along with the friction and kissing.

Edward started pulling down my boyshorts, and I lifted myself up so he could pull them completely off. I missed the friction, and from the groan Edward left out, I guessed he did as well. I kicked my underwear off, throwing it to the ground, along with the rest of our clothing. I mimicked Edward's movement, and pulled down his red boxers. His hard shaft stood to my view. I would always be amazed by Edward's size, somewhat having trouble believing, that he could fit inside of me, when he was so large. I bit my lower lip, as I looked at him. I loved Edward, and I wanted to show him that. I just didn't quite now, if I could do what I wanted to.

''What are you thinking?'' Edward whispered. I looked up at him. His eyes were black, filled with lust and love. He was staring intently at me.

''That you're perfect. And that I love you.'' I said. ''But I'm not sure if I know how to show it.'' I blushed.

''What do you mean?'' Edward asked, confused.

''I…I want to…touch you.'' I blushed.

''Oh.'' He breathed. I looked up at him, to see him biting his lower lip. He looked as if, if he could, he would blush.

''Can I?'' I murmured. He slowly nodded, taking in a deep breath. ''Can you show me, how to…?'' I trailed off.

Edward took my hand and guided it around his shaft. I wrapped it around him, Edward's hand on top of mine. He guided my hand up and down, as he bit his lower lip. He moaned and leaned his head back. He moved his hand away, and I started moving my hand up and down, on my own. Edward's eyes closed, as he let out sounds of pleasure. He gripped the mattress, clutching it tightly. I was surprised he didn't rip it to pieces, but he seemed to be controlling himself. He started moving against my hand, and I felt proud for making him feel this way- for making him feel pleasured. I tightened my hand around him, and started moving faster.

''B-Bella.'' Edward groaned. ''S-s-stopped.'' He said.

''Why?'' I asked. ''Doesn't it feel good?'' I asked, doubting myself. I didn't have experience with doing this, and didn't know if I was doing it right.

''It feels so good, Bella. So good. B-b-but…I-I'm…I'm g-going to…'' He moaned. I was sure he would have stopped my hand, if he wasn't afraid of hurting me, seeing as he was clutching the mattress so tightly.

''Let go, Edward.'' I whispered. Edward moaned loudly, letting go and climaxing in my hand. I kept moving my hand up and down him, as he climaxed. He breathed heavily, and moved my hand off of him. I wiped my hand, quickly, on the sheet. He kissed me and he rolled us over.

''Thank you, thank you, thank you.'' Edward murmured, kissing my face all over. He kissed my nose, my forehead, my eyelids, my cheeks, my temples, my chin and lastly, my lips. A small giggle fell from my mouth. ''That was amazing, Bella.'' He grinned brightly at me.

''I'm glad you enjoyed it.'' I blushed.

''Oh, love.'' He let out a chuckle. ''You are so wonderful.'' He whispered, as he pecked my lips.

''Edward.'' I breathed, wiggling underneath him. ''I want you.'' I said, feeling a need between my thighs. Having seen him in such pleasure, had made me aroused.

''You have me.'' He whispered, moving his left hand down my body. He massaged my right thigh, and I leaned up to his touch.

''Please.'' I sighed. He sniffed the air, closing his eyes slowly.

''You're so aroused, love. You smell so good.'' He groaned.

''I love you.'' I said, putting my hands on his chest.

''I know.'' He said. His hand cupped my core and I moaned. He groaned and leaned in to my neck, taking in my scent.

''Please. I'm ready.'' I moaned.

Edward removed his hand, and adjusted himself above me, positioning between me. He slowly intended me, both of us moaning in unison. He let me adjust to his size, keeping still. I leaned my hips up, indicating that I was fine. Edward started moving in and out of me slowly. I raised my hips, to meet with his. He continue moving slowly, inside of me. I moaned, as he licked my heated neck, his cool tongue feeling so good. I bit my lower lip, when he started sucking on my earlobe. This wasn't right. I should be doing these things to him. I was going to show him _my_ love.

''Edward, stop.'' I breathed. Edward stopped all his movements and lifted his face, looking at me with confusion and concern.

''Did I do something wrong?'' He asked.

''No, no! I didn't mean stop moving. Just the sucking thing.'' I blushed.

''Didn't it feel good?'' He asked, looking as if, if he could, he would be blushing like me, again.

''It did. It felt really good. But…'' I bit my lower lip. I wrapped my legs around his waist, and pulled him closer to me. I leaned my face to his ear, so I could whisper in it. ''I want to be doing that.'' I moved my face and started suckling, on his neck.

''Bella.'' He moaned, as he started moving inside of me again, a bit faster this time. I wished I could leave a hickey on his skin, like he could on mine.

''Edward. Oh, Edward!'' I moaned, loudly. ''I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you.'' I chanted, as I laid kisses on his neck, his collar and his flawless, ice-cold, perfect, pale chest.

''Bella.'' He hissed, when I bit his left nipple. I then kissed it, before going to suck on the part of his skin, where his neck connected with his shoulder. Edward moaned loudly, from this. ''That feels so good.'' He groaned.

''Good.'' I said, against the skin.

Edward continued moving inside of me, in a slow pace. I knew he was holding back, because he didn't want to hurt me. I pushed on his chest, indicating I wanted him to roll over. He looked at me with wide eyes, but rolled us over, anyhow. I straightened up, still straddling his lap. He looked at me, still wide-eyed. I smiled at him, softly, telling him to relax, with my eyes. He had tensed up a bit, seemingly unsure of what I was doing. I started moving on top of him, holding on to his shoulder. Edward bucked his hips up to mine, his eyes closing. He might had to hold back, but I didn't. I moved up and down on him, harder and faster, then he had moved inside of me.

''Bella, I can't hold back much longer.'' Edward whimpered. I leaned down to his neck, kissing my way up to his ear.

''Let go.'' I whispered.

''B-b-but y-you…'' He stuttered. It was so strange to hear Edward stutter. He was normally so confident, so collected. I felt proud, for being able to do this to him.

''Don't think a minute, that we will be finished that quickly.'' I said, as I started nibbling on his earlobe. Edward hands moved to my hips, guiding me up and down his shaft. ''Let go.'' I said, biting hard on his earlobe.

''BELLA!'' Edward shouted, as he released inside of me. I kept moving up and down on him, and Edward still held on to my hips, helping me.

''Oh, Edward!'' I moaned, as he started moving me up and down his shaft, faster, after he finished his climax. ''Edward! Oh, oh, Edward. I love you! I love you so much.'' I moaned.

''Bella.'' He growled, whereafter he moaned.

''Ohhhhh.'' I bit my lower lip, holding back a scream.

Edward lifted himself up, slightly, with his right hand and wrapped his left arm around me, pulling me closer to him. The position did, that he hit a different spot inside of me. A more pleasuring spot. I couldn't hold back the scream, that left me. I wrapped my arms around Edward's shoulders, moving up and down him, as fast and best as I could. I was so close to my own release, but I was holding it back as best as I could. I wanted Edward to get as much pleasure, as possible. I was surprised, that I could hold it back, as long I had. Had I not been trying to do this for Edward, I would have hit my climax the minute he entered me.

''B-Bella, are you close?'' Edward gasped.

''Y-y-yes. A-are you?'' I stammered.

''I've had my release. It's your turn.'' He said, in a breathless voice.

''E-Edward. Oh, oh.'' I moaned.

Edward used his left hand, and brushed my hair away from my neck, before starting to kiss and suck on it. I couldn't hold back. His large shaft moving inside of me, his cold chest pressing against my heated one, and his mouth assaulting my neck was too much. I moaned his name in a scream and climaxed. I held on to Edward for dear life, as I pulsed around him. He kept moving inside me and licking my neck. Tingles were all over my skin. Edward released just a little while after me. As he came inside of me, I did as well, for the second time, having held back for so long. We moaned each others name, together.

''That was…'' I trailed off, breathlessly.

''Wow.'' Edward chuckled.

''Yeah.'' I agreed, grinning at him.

He pulled out of me, and moved both of us under the blanket, on his bed. He pulled my flush back against his cold chest. I tucked the blanket under my armpits, and turned around. I pressed my body against Edward's, and wrapped my arms around him. He wrapped his arms around my body, and hugged me to him. He rested his right cheek against my hair, and let out a small sigh. I sighed as well, feeling light and peaceful. Edward started stroking my hair, as we laid cuddled together, in silence. There wasn't a need to say anything. I tangled our legs together, loving how his cold skin cooled down my flushed body. Edward hummed in thought, and turned my face to look up at him. He pecked my lips three times and smiled softly. I smiled back.

''Are you going to tell me, what happened before?'' He asked, quietly, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. I looked away from his eyes, staring at his chest, instead.

''It was nothing.'' I whispered.

''Nothing? Bella, you were gasping and tears were streaming down your eyes. You scared me.'' He whispered.

''It was nothing.'' I repeated, even more quietly.

''Then why did Jasper think: I'm in so much trouble?'' Edward asked, imitating Jasper's voice.

''I don't know.'' I mumbled.

''Love, please. Why wont you tell me?'' He asked, sounding pained.

_No, no, no! No pain!_

''It's not that I don't want to tell you. You'll just get mad, that's all. And I don't want you to get mad. I love you, and I want you to be happy.'' I said, kissing his cheek.

''Love, I am happy. I promise I wont get mad. Please. Tell me.'' He urged, taking one of my hands, and laying a kiss on the palm.

''W-w-we were watching a movie.'' I started, biting my lip, nervously. I wasn't sure what he was going to think of this.

''Yes?'' He asked.

''A guy was leaving his girlfriend, telling her he didn't love her anymore. It reminded me of when you left me.'' I murmured. I felt Edward tense, and looked at his face. He was looking away from me, his eyes sad. ''And I realized, that I never really knew how _you_ felt.'' I said. Edward frowned, and looked at me with confusion. ''So....I asked...I asked Jasper. I asked him to....to show me. And, he did.'' My voice became quieter and quieter, as I spoke.

''He…he what?'' Edward sat up, quickly.

I bit my lower lip, and sat up as well. I kept the blanket around my body, and moved closer towards Edward. He was frowning at me, his eyes sad. They were also nervous and scared, for some reason. And then, I saw the last thing I wanted to see in his eyes. Guilt.

''I had no right to feel the way I did.'' He sighed, running his hand through his hair. ''_I_ left _you_. The stupidest decision I have ever made in my life. It hurt everyone. You must thing I'm pathetic.'' He whispered.

''Pathetic? Why in the world would I think that?'' I asked, angrily. Before he could answer, I spoke again. ''Edward, you felt hurt. You missed me. You were even more hurt then me, and _I_ feel guilty for that. I never asked how you felt, I never thought about you feeling unloved and alone…'' I shook my head.

''I broke down many times, Bella. Sometimes, I couldn't move or think. I would be lifeless. I truly missed you, even though I had no right to. I wanted to run back to you, so many times, I lost count. Living without you, was no way to live.'' He said, in a pained voice. ''But I had no right to feel that way. It was my own fault.''

''Edward, it's all in the past.'' I said, putting a hand on his shoulder.

''Why did you ask Jasper to show you? Couldn't you just have asked me?'' He mumbled.

''I wanted to understand how you felt.'' I said.

''He must have overreacted.'' Edward muttered.

''You saw me. Do you think he overreacted?'' I asked. He didn't answer, but turned his back to me. I pressed my chest to his back, and wrapped my arms around him. ''I'm taking that as a no.'' I murmured.

''Is that why you…did all this?'' He whispered so quietly, I barely heard it. I let out a sigh, and rested my head on his shoulder.

''I did it, because I wanted to show you, how much I truly love you. And care about you.'' I replied.

''I love you, Isabella.'' Edward turned his head, and looked into my eyes intensely.

''I love you too.'' I said.

''You are, and have always been my life.'' He whispered, before kissing my lips softly and tenderly.

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**What do you think? First lemon.**


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